The Glamorous Life of a Marathon Dissertation Writer and Cupcake Baker

I spent a lot of time in the late summer cooking, trying out new recipes, making pasta and home-brewed limoncello, knowing that before long, I would be in the middle of a new semester, swamped with student papers to grade and feeling the deadline to defend and deposit my dissertation loom large.

That's where we're at right now.

A year or two ago, I went to an academic conference and saw many of the scholars who populate my bookcases and essays. It was exciting. One of my favorite brilliant professors met us for sushi and sake (I'd never had sake before! I'm a complete lightweight!), and chatted with us as though we were people, friends, rather than as students. When we parted ways we spoke about the difficulties in writing, and I expressed anxiety about writing this dissertation. She hugged me and encouraged me to write, saying simply, "let's make a pact." This was a humbling and exhilarating moment for me-- thinking that someone I admire so much, whose work has helped shape the way I think about my own writing and critical approaches, could make a pact with me to write. This has been at the back of my brain, quietly urging me to keep going.

So for the past two months, I've been essentially living at my desk doing nothing but reading, re-reading, and writing (and rewriting!). I drink a lot of coffee. I eat trail mix and ramen and nori (omega 3's for my brain!). I obsess over my word count. I go through post-it notes like there's no tomorrow. I keep a pitcher of water and two sets of headphones by my side at all times. I wear wrist bands to stave off carpal tunnel.

(I feel like I should take up smoking, since all the best writers seem to chain smoke. Since I don't I've developed a habit of munching on mints as I type-- until I discovered that the icebreakers I've been downing mostly contain sugar substitutes called malitol and sorbitol, which, if you have too much in your system, can cause great g.i. distress!)

In any case, it's glorious. The cats stay up with me until all hours.

Here Mini implores me to quit typing and go to bed.

Here is one of my 2 crates of research (it is no longer in this fastidious order.) not to mention the piles of books on my table, floor, and bookshelves. Or the library books I have. Or the inter-library loan library I've accumulated.

And yet, in the backyard, I'm reminded that life continues on, that new life is growing even as I'm sequestering myself away so that I can finish writing my dissertation and finally graduate with my Ph.D.

We transplanted a patch of grass about 5" square, and it's sitting at the edge of our backyard patio, at the margin of our zero-scaping. Under the sod, we put down a layer of our own compost that's been accumulating and cooking for forever. And in the corner of this box of grass (that we call the "pet patch") emerged a cantaloupe vine. That has SIX cantaloupes on it. We didn' t plant them. We had no idea what they were for the longest time (watermelons? cucumbers? squash? pumpkins?) It's miraculous. Sometimes in the evenings, Zips goes out to water the plants, including the pet patch and the melons.

Since I've churned out 3 out of 4 chapters that will constitute the body of the diss, I've eased up a little bit. I've made vegetarian spicy sushi. A wonderful new puree of carrot soup that I'll have to post here.

Last night, Zips found and followed an awful (awful) recipe for carrot cake that was on the back of a raisin container (it called for shortening. it ended up with the texture of cornbread and tasted salty). So I threw it away and pulled out the vegan cupcake book. Every recipe I've tried, I swear, is amazing. The carrot cake cupcake is FREAKING DELICIOUS. The recipe makes literally 8 cupcakes, so there's no danger in overindulging (but you'll really really want to).

Carrot Cake Cupcakes (accidentally not vegan...)

2/3 c. flour

3/4 tsp. baking soda

1/4 tsp. baking powder

1/4 tsp. salt

1/4 tsp. cinnamon (I used closer to 1/2 tsp)

1/4 tsp. ground ginger

(I also added 1/4 tsp. ground cloves and 1/4 tsp. ground nutmeg... why not?)

sift together dry ingredients

2/3 c. sugar (I'm out of white sugar, so used brown, and it tasted FINE)

1/3 c. veg. oil

1/3 c. plain soy yogurt (I'm out of soy yogurt, so used plain dairy yogurt, and it turned out FINE)

1 generous tsp. vanilla

Mix wet ingredients together until completely combined. Then add dry ingredients. Then fold in chunky bits:

1 c. shredded carrots (I grated one large-ish carrot)

1/4 c. raisins (and dry cranberries if you want to trick it out)

1/4 c. chopped walnuts (I skipped this)

Distribute into cupcake liners (fill 2/3 of the way) and bake for about 25 minutes, until they pass a toothpick test.

When they cool, frost with Cream Cheese Frosting (which you can also make!) Take a load off and eat one. Save one for breakfast (since they have carrots in them, they're healthy!)

So I have something to eat as I get back to work. Hopefully I'll post happy news soon. Either when I finish writing... or when we eat the cantaloupes!

Surrounded by Giants

So I skipped classes at the end of last week to attend the national American Studies Association annual conference three hours to the north. I return with renewed vigor for my own writing and dissertating. At one point, I was in the audience watching Avery Gordon introduce Hazel Carby, and I turned around to see Siobhan Somerville (whom I admire and adore, having commuted 2 hours to take a class with her at a different university) waving at me, and behind her Judith Halberstam was sitting next to Lisa Lowe. Behind me the other way, Andrea Smith was sitting just a row away. I have stars in my eyes! Also in attendance were E. Patrick Johnson, Lauren Berlant, Lisa Duggan, Jose Esteban Munoz, Elaine Kim, Eva Cherniavsky, Mimi Nguyen, Martin Manalansan, Linda Trinh Vo, and even more!! I literally clicked on every letter of the alphabet of the online schedule of presentations to see who was coming. After half a semester in a new place, getting bogged down with grading 81 freshman compositions every couple of weeks, this was really helpful in getting me back on track.

In short, it was a wonderful, invigorating jolt of juice to my brains (even though it was equally exhausting physically!). To see the critical scholars who populate my essays and bookshelves-- as people who joke and have to drink water mid-presentation-- as audience members of other scholars' panels (Jose Munoz and Lisa Duggan attended Judith Halberstam's hugely popular session on queer punk, and laughed at all the right moments).

Okay, on a more corporeal note, there's nothing to eat at the convention center. Nothing worse than a couple stands hocking Starbuck's and stale pretzels and bagels. Coffee breath on top of an empty belly is AWFUL to have at a crowded conference. And then there's the mortification of having audible hunger pangs during a presentation. I know. I had them. During a panel on food, no less.

Happily, within a couple of blocks of the convention center in Albuquerque is Sushi King!! We went three days in a row! I highly recommend the New Mexico roll (green chili, avocado, spicy mayo), the veggie tempura maki, and the vegetable maki. They were great and even brough me extra spicy mayo on the side!

There's also a great New York style pizzeria that we visited on the last day (I can't believe I am capable of being sushi-ed out!)-- called JC's New York Pizza Department.

Grief and Prospectus-ing

In doing research for the next phase in my PhD-ing, I'm trying to see if my favorite authors have anything new coming out. I really wish authors had something like IMDB, so I could see if a new book might come out-- like if something is currently filming, or in postproduction. Ruth Ozeki's writing is amazing (her novels have changed my eating patterns and God willing, will constitute a chapter of my dissertation). So looking at her website, I am compelled to link to a PDF for her most recent article, called The Art of Losing: On Writing, Dying & Mom. Like any good fan, I bought her documentary Halving the Bones and absolutely fell in love with her mother. I couldn't believe it when confronted with the cremains of her mother, she immediately started piecing through ash and bone fragments with her hands, commenting on how beautiful, how tiny and fragile the shards of her mother are. Now I feel like I've lost a loved one too, although I'm just a grad student reading, and Ozeki lost her mother over three years ago. In any case, because I share her mother's fondness for chocolate and brightly colored flowers, this is for both of them.

My next post will be happier, and will explain that in Nashville, Indiana, they grow peonies as big as your head.

What's Next?

So I officially passed my prelims. Okay, so I "High Passed" my prelims, really. I'm excited. I have a High Pass. I have a research grant. I've only got two weeks left of class. I'm on autopilot, enduring student presentations. And I'm exhausted. Indiana winter has bled into April. It's supposed to be up to 70 today, and I'm wearing a scarf because I simply do not believe. It's also very confusing to decide what to wear when the clock radio tells you "Today's high is in the upper 60's. The current temperature is 28."

Anyway. I have a lot of hopes and dreams that are s-l-o-w-l-y taking shape. We're waiting and praying and hoping and WAITING for a letter of a job offer that will allow us to relocate someplace sunny all year round. I'm just itching to buy a tape gun and sneak into the cardboard recycling bins of retail stores to get boxes to pack everything up in. But we're just waiting to get that actual paper document. sigh.

In any case, one of the things I hope to do in the near future is this neato Rice Bag Tote Bag project (go ahead. have it open in the background. she's got great taste in streaming music.) I've also figured out a pattern for a snappy laptop cozy. I'll have to post photos. I was inspired by queenbee creations' new jet packlaptop bag that makes me drool! Since I don't have $85 to spend on a laptop bag I COVET, I made one. It turns out, I like mine better!! I just need to find something I can use for a shoulder strap. I should go cut the seat belts out of some cars at a junkyard or something! Like I said in a recent university questionaire, my academic goals are to open up an etsy shop!

Studies & Prelims

In an attempt to calm myself down about my imminent prelims, I am trying to incorporate my studies into my "happy place" that is this blog. I've just sent my proposed exam questions on to my committee chair, and am planning on Spring Break to complete the 7 day portion of the exams. I mentioned to some of my composition students the possibility of their getting the class period before Spring Break off because I'll be doing these exams, and one of my sweet little freshmen said, "Why would you want to do that?" And I said, "because I want to be a doctor."

So here are some of my lovely books that inspire me, that don't evoke anxiety attacks when I look to my bookshelves. They're on the top shelf. The anxiety-inducing ones are just outside the photo.
Don't get me wrong. I can't wait to write. I want to finish this so that I can plan and write, instead of cramming and jotting down notes on endless post-its stuck to every surface of this room (including one on the lampshade, two on a potted plant, several on the calendar, one on an index card that I taped to my desk when I ran out of post-its, and one on the edge of this computer screen). I just have to jump through this flaming hoop for 24 hours, and then for 7 days, and come out the other side.